Have you ever heard from other people that they could not accept a loving God when there is so much evil in this world? They have a certain perspective on God, all evil is His fault, yet, how do they explain the good, even great things that happen in our lives?
You cannot predetermine a belief based merely on one aspect of the evil in our world today.
Let me take this thinking one step further, and suggest that God DOES bring good out of evil. I know having experienced sexual molestation at age nine, as well as battling choriocarcinoma some thirty years later.
I will suggest to you that God does allow suffering in this world, however, much good can come out of the suffering that we experience.
Case in point, at the very naïve age of nine, I entered my brother’s bedroom when a childhood friend called me in. It was not uncommon for me to play with my brother and his friends as we are twins and I was a bit of a tomboy.
What happened next was so traumatic to me, that I could not even think about it for the next thirty years. I “blocked” the incident from my memory.
The years after this experience were marred by a constant sense that I was dirty, that I was unworthy. My grades suffered, as well as my sense of security in other people. After all, this was a boy who I thought was my brother. He took my trust and smashed it, along with my innocence in one thoughtless act of selfishness.
Though my mom and dad are Christians, I had no concept of a protecting, loving God. Unbeknownst to them, I learned in church that God was a miserable, demanding tyrant. So, at the time of the molesting, I felt completely alone. My abuser threatened me if I told anyone what had happened.
Fast forward to my forties~ I have a family, a wonderful husband and had accepted the Lord as my savior. Many would look at my life and see a very blessed, happy homemaker with a full life.
I have three beautiful daughters, and managed to bury my fears, raising them was the joy of my life. Once in awhile, feelings of unworthiness, fear, self doubt would kick in, but, I just assumed that everyone struggled with these things.
At forty years old, my “normal” world came crashing to the ground at the sound of my doctor’s voice telling me that I had cancer.
Thankfully, and miraculously after three months of heavy duty chemotherapy, I was declared “cancer free”.
While God had delivered me from cancer, I could still not shake the sense of doom and gloom or
the sense of being unprotected.
I had nightmares at night where a shadowy figure was pursuing me. At forty years old, there was still a sense of urgency in dark places, like parking lots and other public places. I had a morbid fear that someday I would be attacked and raped.
As these fears and panic attacks intensified, I attempted to resume some normalcy in my life. My doctors put the anxiety down to the chemically induced premature menopause that I was thrown into from the chemotherapy. All the while, experts were amazed by my quick healing and lack of side effects from the drugs.
A friend of mine approached me in 2005, four years after my battle with cancer. She asked me if I would like to study biblical counseling with her. I accepted.
As a result of studying the word of God and applying it to my fears, the molestation surfaced and the process of healing began.
I felt that I needed to deal with the irrational fears that I struggled with on a daily basis, as well as needing to understand the word better while speaking at different places on how God had healed me from cancer.
I wanted to be ready with an answer for those who had questions about why God allows such tragedies to exist.
Today, I am free from the anxieties that plagued me through my youth, and I’ve been set free from any residual trauma of having been molested. I rarely feel afraid for no reason at all.
And, I know a peace and a joy that I have not ever known before. It is a peace and joy grounded in the knowledge that God is my protector.
The biblical counseling has helped me to encourage others through similar traumas. The world needs overcomers to show others that though we walk through the valley of death , we can fear no evil.
It is possible because our great and mighty God is there to sustain us. He simply wants us to know him through the trials and tribulations that we go through.
God is a God of impossibilities. He has taken a broken little girl and brought her back to wholeness as a grown woman.
Would I want to go through the trials and suffering all over again? No, probably not. But, I can’t help but be grateful that God used these trials to help me experience him on a deeper level.
It’s a mystery for sure. And, I sure do love mysteries.
Psalm 121
1 I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
from where shall my help come?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
8 The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.
